Peace - At What Cost?

It's been 2 weeks of relative peace due to the intervention of relatives. Helpful Brother and Wife (brother and sister-in-law) were here for a few days to help out. To really no avail. A blown rental interview. A missed opportunity to fill out on-line forms for assistance (instead at the church next door to the restaurant HB was meeting him at and disappeared from), a missed opportunity to have a camp site for a week. One less week of trying to sleep in your car. HB asked him why living in his car wasn't boosting him to faster look for a place. WV said no biggie as it was only 4 days. HB said it's been 3 weeks. He wasn't believed!! Incredible. So HB gave in. But didn't give up. He can only do so much with what he has to work with.
I heard from him last night for the first time since before HB and Wife arrived. The text looked like a partial copy/paste from a text I received weeks ago. It didn't make any sense. When I questioned it, I was ignored. Oh well. I will try not to get caught up in the Whirling Vortex.
Back to my peace. I've had my heart rate slow down to normal. I've been sleeping very well. I just need to get back into an exercise routine. I've been a little lax due to all the high drama. As well, my Ferritin was 4!!!!! I'm surprised I had any energy at all. I've been attributing the lack there of to no sleep and stress. Stress!! The Mother of all that is Evil.
So that was my short WV rant for today. Now on to Me.
My daughter, son, and I have signed up to the gym. I have been one time only. Due to - see above - I want to go back and get trained on the equipment. I am so not a gym person. I am a walking enthusiast. A hiking enthusiast. But unfortunately my SI joint and my right hip do not want to cooperate. So I figured the gym was a good solution. My issues are poor body image as well as no spacial ability. Which translates into I don't know where my body parts are in the universe in relation to where I want them to be (or hope they should be). So when my daughter says just do it like this, I just can't. Then she says watch in the mirror that will help. It makes it twice as bad for me as I've never been able to do anything in the mirror. So I'm hoping with repetition that will get better. Phase one for self improvement. Lose a few pounds. Lets be serious!! We are talking at least 40!! Right now I'd be happy with 5. For a good start. my daughter is my inspiration. She is about a size 0-2. I have never been that size. I thought size 7 in my late 20's was amazing. I think the sizes have changed to accommodate the little Asian workers who make the world's clothes. Those gals are little little little.
I'm actually pretty good in the self esteem department. I am a strong independent woman - hear me roar! I would just like to be a better version of me. Be all I can be. Not for the army, though. I draw the line at military requirements.

The Whirling Vortex

Part of my incredible journey to me is to try to shake off the past. The issue with that is my past won't shake loose. It is as stuck to me as warm gum on the bottom of your shoe. I think I will have to rant and rant for a while before I can even explore me.
I have a separated husband that has huge mental illness issues. He doesn't think so and that is half the battle. His behaviour is so bizarre at times. For instance this is my last 20 hours. Last night he phoned to say he had something to drop off for the kids. This was around 1830. I had my bestie and my Peace Man over for wine and a BBQ. So I said no, I have company. He said he had a right to see his kids. Mostly they meet him somewhere so we don't have happen what happened last night. He showed up about 2230 and didn't have anything for the kids. He proceeded to take everything out of his car and try to rearrange everything. Then he couldn't find his medications/sleeping pills. He ripped apart his whole car looking. My son and I tried to help. I had already gone to bed and was asleep when my son came out and got me to help. Seriously!! We tried for half an hour or more. Then he's struck with a blinding headache. He can't stand, sit or talk coherently. I said lets drive you somewhere for the night so you can sleep. I offered my son to drive him and I would drive his car. Anything so he wouldn't be in front of my house. My house. I bought him out. I had to double my payments and pay through the nose. My house. He almost went for the idea but he wanted to find his meds first. Well, no go. So both my son and I gave up and went back into the house. We talked with my daughter for a while. No one knew what to do. I wasn't waking Peace Man up. This is none of his concern and he's never been here when the Whirling Vortex has been here before. I figured I'd phone the RCMP non-urgent line and ask advice. There was really no advice to receive. They decided to send out a constable to talk with him, with the understanding that his family was worried about him and to see if he was a danger to himself or others. I said he is a danger because if he drives off in his condition, he will likely total this car off and perhaps kill or hurt himself or others. Then I sent everyone off to bed. I was just drifting off when I heard some voices. I got up and couldn't see the RCMP talking to him, but I thought that was what was going on. I had my phone as I had asked them to call me when they've spoken to him. They did. Nothing they can do. They decided he wasn't a danger to himself or others. He wasn't going to harm himself. He had a cell phone that was charged up if he needed an ambulance or any other help. (He had told me the phone was dead prior to coming over). There wasn't enough for them to take him anywheres: hospital, jail etc. I said what if he drives off and gets into an accident. The constable, in all his wisdom, says people drive in that condition all the time and get into accidents. WHAT!!!! Then I said, so you are just going to leave him parked in front of my house sleeping in his car. He said pretty much. WTF!! Good gravy man! So I told that to my daughter. My son had already gone to sleep. We both couldn't believe it. This is about 0130 now. Then he phones giving me shit for calling the police on him. I tried to explain I wasn't calling the police on him, I was asking for help and advice and they sent someone to make sure he was ok. Once again he made me out to be the scourge of all evil villianesses. He went on and on about how now he was on record with the police and was I in cahoots with the mean bitch of an RN in ED that had it out for him. Did I want to get him thrown in jail or the loony bin. Ugh. Now its 0220 and I have a nice, sweet, warm man in my bed that I wanted to get back to. So I hung up and went to bed.
Some background now. The Whirling Vortex gave notice for his very nice 2 bedroom walk out suite. A better view of the lake than what I have. This was in May. He told me half way through May by way of a request for me to look on my employer website to see if there were any suites for rent for him. I said WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? There is nothing to rent in our neck of the woods. We have a less than 1% vacancy rate. I said phone your landlord back right now. Kiss his feet if you have to, and rescind your notice. He tried but only succeeded in getting the move out day extended to the end of June. Long story short, he finally moved out last weekend and is now living in his car. He was living in his truck, but totaled it off Friday night. Actually early Saturday morning around 0330. He had taken his sleeping pills and then went to find a place to park for the night. Told everyone he swerved to hit a deer. Ya right.
My son was supposed to take the Whirling Vortex to a psychiatrist appt. at 0800 this morning. he was sleeping in the car in front of my house. My son was very upset about this. He tried hard to wake him up a couple of times, then received a text from the Helpful Brother (WV's brother - more about him later) saying that WV actually has an appt. tomorrow morning at 0900 and to not bring him in today. Good grief. Then WV stayed where he was and reorganized his car until he drove away at 1330. I went up there at about 1000 to see what was what. I was given shit again about phoning the police and was given a lecture on my poor morals and values by having my boyfriend stay the night with the children at home. The children are almost 19 and just turned 17. They are more mature than him. They prefer Peace Man stay the night after drinking wine. Vernon is an hour away. Anyways, I walked away. I won't be lectured to by a homeless mentally ill man. Ugh again.
So this gives a little snap shot of my last 10+ years of being married to this man. It's all so crazy and irrational. Peace Man feels very sorry for him. Thinks he is hurting and suffering from having lost his family and now his place to live. A bit about Peace Man. What a wonderful kind gentleman and gentle man. He is sensitive and very understanding. He even went up and introduced himself to WV and shook his hand. He is too nice by far. If I feel sorry for him I get sucked into the Whirling Vortex all over again.